The Inevitable Grammatical Pretense


Having read a blog written three years ago by a former batch mate had me contemplating about my blogging ways and my inclination towards grammar and its wholeness.

I had read some blogs before and never had I become so jealous of a grammatical structure and imagery that I was led to believe myself to be an imbecile. Reading that blog deposited such insecurity in me and had insisted a dent that may forever change the way I perceive and fabricate this, I should unfortunately consider, grammatically cheap blog work.

Why do I write in such a simple, bland and insipid way? Is this because I consider myself a minimalist?

Now that I have seen such eloquence and beauty in the usage of the English language, both literally and figuratively, and have discerned its malleability and glorious potential, I fathom now that being a minimalist does not excuse one into evasively composing an impeccable blog. For one to successfully elicit a lingering effect onto his readers, he must invade every area of the multifaceted universe of grammar. He must not only write good, he must write well.

With these instances, I had pitied my blog for its fragile and obtuse form and for what it has become. I had lost in a literary contest that I had concocted within my lacking mentality that had caused my blog to virtually defecate itself in its virtual pants. I must say, I am now in the transition phase between a neanderthalic and Einsteinic path of cognizance in grammar and composition.

It must be the effect of reading less. My grammatical acumen and aptitude have no intention of flexing their literary muscles since my attention span hinders in my reading. I tried to begin with the George Orwell, the Ayn Rand, yet I had never reached the finish line and even found myself returning at the starting point many a time. In between boredom and dealing with my scant attention span, I always switched to Dr. Seuss and read aloud in my phony British accent the rhyming words that sounded so amusing yet seemed to be more appropriate to a third grade’s reading.

I have been enlightened, and from now on my blog will only contain highfalutin, pompous, pretentious words that will potentially blur and hopefully don my smart aleck, vacuous self. I will invariably have this blog as an emblem, a shield that I may utilize to impress. I am hoping that my language and literary maturity improves and protrudes along the way.


This post took a while. Most of the words had to be “right-click > synonyms”ed in the word processor for me to be able to finish a faux blog post full of pretense. I’m kidding. I ain’t doing this shit. I mean, I can’t.

Fuck my life, eh?